


A Pizza My Heart (or the one where patrick is a pizza)

by honeywentz



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack, I suck at tagging, Long Live Andy Hurley, M/M, Vegan Magic, andy and joe are trying to fix it, patrick is magically turned into a pizza, pete wants to eat him, peterick sorta??, this is my first time posting on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeywentz/pseuds/honeywentz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah so I started writing this at 11:00pm and finished it at 1:35am and I'm kinda tired now<br/>Basically Shay (@fcutemo on tumblr, she's awesome btw) made a post about wanting a crack fic where patrick is turned into a pizza - ask and you shall recieve.<br/>I'm apologising in advance bc this probably sucks major ass</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pizza My Heart (or the one where patrick is a pizza)

So fall out boy were ridin on the tour bus to the next show. They pulled over at a rest stop to go get something to eat and all that jazz. But not Patrick. He stayed behind while the others went ahead. One minute he was workin on some stuff on Garageband, next he couldn’t move. Why couldn’t he move, you ask??//? Because he was...,,. a piZzA!!!11! 

He couldn’t call for help because duh he was a pizza. But he was a good pizza. Not like those shitty frozen ones you get from the store that are kinda chewy when u cook them, no. Patrick was a fresh, Chicago style, deep dish pizza with teh meatiest (huehue) pepperoni topping and stuffed crust and really good melty cheese on top n shit. At least he was still sentient. That way he could actually appreciate what a glorious pizza he was.

Pizzatrick must have been layin around for at least 10 mins by himself when all of a sudden, the door to the bus opened!! It was pete. Maybe he could help Patrick. 

The moment pete stepped inside, his expert pizza aficionado nose picked up the smell of the greasy food. And it was right there, on the sofa. Flopped over Patrick’s laptop. Perhaps it belonged to Patrick? That slut. He ordered pizza without him.

“Patrick? Lunchbox?? Pattycakes?? You in here?” he called to his currently-not-present-pizza-ordering-slut boyfrand. He thought it couldn’t hurt if he took just one slice. He deserved it anyway.

Meanwhile Pizzatrick was panicking because wow, pete had taken a slice of him (which was a surreal experience, like having two bodies at once) and was progressing to almost eat said slice when he paused. Did that pepperoni slice look like..a fedora? No – that would explain why Patrick had randomly disappeared and a pizza was sat on HIS laptop, in HIS place wearing HIS headphones (which wtf, how would a deep dish pizza wear headphones??)

“Patrick, if you are this pizza, give me a sign,” no response. If Patrick still had hands, he would have slapped pete. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOUR BOYFRIEND CANNOT TELL YOU HE’S A PIZZA.

At that moment, Andy and Joe opened the door of the tour bus to Pete shaking a pizza slice by its non-existent shoulders and yelling “SPEAK TO ME ‘TRICK!”

“Yo pete, you okay dude?” joe asked, concerned. Him and Andy weren’t quite sure if they could afford to find another bassist/songwriter at this point if Pete went insane by talking to a pizza slice.

“Guys. You have to help me. Patrick’s been turned into this really delicious Chicago style deep dish pizza and I don’t know what to do!!” Pete exclaimed.

“Woah, you sure it’s him?” Andy questioned.

“Yeah! See this slice of pepperoni right here looks eXACTLY like the fedora Patrick was wearing before we left, and it was just sort of flopped in Patrick’s seat on his laptop. At first I thought he was just being a bad boyfriend and ordering pizza without me to just hoard for himself but then I realized. You’ve gotta use your vegan magik to turn him back Andy!”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’m gonna need some paper and a marker. And two pencils.”  
He proceeded to write something on the paper and balance the pencils on top of each other.

“Andy wtf that’s the fuckin Charlie Charlie challenge,” Joe said, smacking him upside the head.

“Oh yeah wait hang on.” He swapped the pencils for drumsticks, then proceeded to douse the table in soy milk. The three band members gathered round and linked hands. Andy cleared his throat. “Charlie Charlie, by all that is vegan and straightedge, we submit to the holy order of crossfit. May we be granted access to the power of the ancient vegan magikkc??” The drumstick swayed and tilted to no.

“Why not?!” Pete cried. Pizzatrick sighed internally. 'Jesus Christ Pete. It only says yes or no. Pull yourself together, man.' he thought.

“Well, I guess that’s that. The source must be empty.” Andy sighed.

“What now?”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait it out and see what happens.”

Andy and Joe set to work on researching, seeing if they could find any solutions (which was obviously not gonna be successful I mean, come on guys it’s not every day that the lead singer of your band gets turned into a pizza) whilst Pete sat and tried to keep Patrick company. This whole fiasco lasted like, 1 ½ hours with Andy and Joe finding nothing but recipes and bad fanfics and Pete listening to Patrick’s unfinished works on Garageband and trying to keep up conversion with his sentient pizza boyfriend.

However, each time he glanced over to talk to Patrick, his yearning for the soft cheese and warm tomato sauce only grew larger. The hunger began to pick at pete’s mind and his stomach, telling him he nEEDed tO EaT PaTriCk. He had already tried to let his hand creep over 5 times exactly, but andy and joe kept stopping him, even threatening to resort to handcuffs.

Pizzatrick began to worry. Pete wasn’t talking to him. He hoped he hadn’t offended him, I mean, it’s not like he could’ve done anything anyway, considering he still couldn’t move his (what could be deemed) body in this state. Pete’s eye twitched, then he was thrusting an arm forward to pull a slice of Patrick away.

“PETE NO! VEGAN MAGIC WITH YOU I ATTACK, TURN OUR PIZZA FRIEND PATRICK BACK!” Andy shouted and boom, he summoned the spirit of veganism out of nowhere, looks like Charlie was just bein a stubborn dick earlier. The slice pete had been holding was dropped onto the others, despite having one bite taken out of it, and where the food had been a second ago, there now sat Patrick. In all his pale, alabaster, porcelain, mayonnaise colored, snowy, ghostly white human glory.

“PETE YOU ASS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WERE GOING TO EAT ME!” Patrick shrieked, punching Pete in his recently strangely more-beautiful-than-usual-face.

“You know, normally I would be mad but I’m so glad you’re back, ‘Trick!” he said happily, enveloping hte tiny fedora man in a hug.

“Yeah yeah, I love you too asshole.”

“I Guess you could say I’ve stolen a PIZZA your heart”

“omg pete stop that’s – “ but then Patrick stopped. And slumped, unmoving.

he was ded.

pete had actually stolen a piece of his heart when he took that bite from te pizza slice

 

 

 

 

 

But thankfully andy brought him bak with his vegan magic. Long Live Andy Hurley.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry  
> Also Andy's spell was rlly CHEESY (ba dum tss)


End file.
